Remorse
by arnhem softfire
Summary: One shot of Snapes thoughts after the 6th books. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE! you have been warned


**A/N this is my first fanfic ever, and im kinda nervous about what you all will think. I think its good...I hope its good...**

**Oh and if you haven't read the Half Blood Prince yet, DO NOT READ THIS! TURN AWAY BEFORE YOU DIE OF SHOCK!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing from the book. J.K Rowling does...though I did try to buy snape from her... and I failed. I'd try again if it weren't for that stupid restraining order...dang it..**

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The dark man stumbled back into his old home, shutting the creaky front door and leaning heavily against it. His eyes were squeezed shut, his breath coming out in short almost panicky breaths _' I cant believe I did it...' _The petrified man thought.

He had not meant to do it. It was not his fault, it was forced upon him by the cruel fates that seemed determined to haunt him, to torment his very soul. He tried to calm his breathing, yet merely thinking about the horrible crime he had just committed led his heart rate to quicken and the panic to return full blast. Severus Snape slid a bit down the wall he leaned on, trying to fathom how he had managed to kill one of the men who trusted him far more than any one else in the dark world he lived in.

Taking in a deep, shaky breath, Snape tried to remember the exact events that lead up to this horrid ending for Albus Dumbledore. Looking back, at when he made the unbreakable vow to Narcissa, he had completely understood, that if in fact Draco failed to murder Dumbledore, it was up to him to finish the job. And yet, Snape couldn't help but think when he swore to Narcissa to protect her son, that he would eventually get caught in the act, or perhaps be killed trying before he himself had to commit the act of murder.

But as it was, the Heavens had not had the same plans for severus snape. They had indeed shown no mercy.

Severus remembered every detail of this horrid night, replaying it over and over again in his mind, like some horrid nightmare that would not leave him alone.

_Flitwick had come running into severus' office, informing him that death eaters had stormed the castle and that McGonagall needed assistance at once. The moment this news had gotten to Severus, he understood that this was the moment that draco would be put to the test. That he needed protection. Unwilling to break his vow, severus darted out of the room, to the scene where the death eaters were currently located._

_Yet through the mass of death eaters, and the order, severus could not find draco anywhere. In a panic, he ran up the steps of the astronomy tower, in the hopes that draco was there._

_Draco was in fact on the astronomy tower, yet he was not alone. There were three other death eaters with him, including the notorious werewolf, grayback. And to his horror, was Dumbledore, sliding slowly down the wall, weakened and frail._

_Severus looked to draco, and seeing the shaking boy lower his wand in fear, Severus pushed him aside, staring at dumbledore. _

"_Severus..." dumbledore had pleaded, his voice in fear. Snape thought rapidly of any way out of this mess, and seeing none, realized what he had to do._

"_Severus, please," dumbledore had begged, and it stung severus in his blackened heart. He was positive that his self loathing could be seen on his very face, wishing that it was he who would die tonight._ _In his mind, he whispered 'goodbye'_ _to the man that he respected, looked up to, and even considered as a father, and said in a loud, strong voice " Avada Kedavra"_

_Dumbledore was blown back by the spell, illuminated by the eerie green light, seeming to float in midair, then plummeting to his death off of the tallest tower in the school._

_Severus stood in shock for a minute, not sure of what to do, what to feel. Then he remembered the other part of his vow: to protect draco. Steadying himself, he turned to the shaken young man and said one word "run!"_

_Malfoy didn't need telling twice. They ran, flying down the stone steps, pass the embattlement still being fought, Down the many levels of stairs, through the great hall, out the main doors..._

_Shortly afterwards, he heard the Crutiatious curse being fired, and turned quickly, to see potter being tortured by the spell. Snape bellowed "NO! We were given strict orders, and Potter is to be left for the Dark Lord! Run!" and without another word he started sprinting, deflecting spell after spell being cursed his way by Potter._ _He then heard potters voice ringing through the night " stand and fight you cowardly-"_

"_Cowardly? Your father would only fight me if there were four people backing him up. What would you call him I wonder?" snape retorted in anger._

_After deflecting a few more spells, Potter who was blown back by a spell cast back to him screamed "kill me then! Kill me like you killed him you coward!"_

_The pain that Severus felt was incredulous, he was taken aback for a moment, and a rage that snape had never felt before overtook his body, a rage caused by this young boy who failed to notice that the loss of Dumbledore was being shared by both, and being accused of cold hearted murder to the man he cared for the most set his blood boiling._

" _DON'T CALL ME A COWARD!" Snape screamed, and in his demented fury, cursed harry to fly back and slam his head on the earth. Not looking back, Snape continued to run, his heart growing increasingly heavier with every step._

Opening his eyes again, Snape was relieved to find that he was in his home again, yet his

heart was pounding with fear, he felt as if he was really there again, those memories being so fresh in his mind.

Taking in the musty air, filling his lungs with oxygen, he paused his hazardous life for a moment, thinking deeply, taking a moment of his time to remember all that was good of albus dumbledore, and to take in the realization that he would never be able to see his smiling face, or his twinkling eyes again.

And for the first time in a very long time, Severus felt remorse. He cradled his head in his cold hands, and wept.

**OMG YAAAAAAY! I finished! Please R&R... even if what you say is mean, im sure ill get a laugh out of it.**


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